I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
