Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
