is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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