All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize