Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
