please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
