I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
