check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
