just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize