it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize