I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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