Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
