So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
