Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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