He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
