Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
