great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
