I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
