So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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