She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
