I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I love having hate sex.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
