I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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