I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
