I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
