Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
