Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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