I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
