LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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