the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
