She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
