Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
