Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
