Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
