i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize