we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
