I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
