they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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