apparently the secret to your success is patron
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize