I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
