pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
