If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
