We're like a lot better than the average bears
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
