I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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