Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
