He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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