She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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