Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
