And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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