Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
