never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
