rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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