Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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