booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
