By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
