woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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