At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
