If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
