so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
