Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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