Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
