does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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