Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
