You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
